“I don’t accept you talking to me this way.

Set your limits around backtalk in a firm yet gentle way. If your child is talking back all the time, and you’re not setting firm limits around it, make no mistake, you’re training them to do it more often. Sometimes parents avoid dealing with backtalk by not being clear about expectations and by tiptoeing around their kids. That way, you’re helping your child learn self-control through earning their phone back. If during that time you swear again, that 3 hours will start over again.” “If you swear at me, I’m taking your cell phone away for 3 hours. Let your child know exactly what they can and can’t do, and tell them the consequences for crossing the line. If swearing or being rude is not acceptable, state that clearly to your child. Be Clear About What Isn’t Acceptable Behavior I guarantee that you’ll feel better as a parent if you set up rules and follow them with your children. If you follow me or if you continue to talk back, there will be consequences.” If you try to argue or debate, I’m going to walk away. “I’ll explain something once, and I’m not going to talk more after that. Your goal then becomes following the ground rules instead of trying to achieve your child’s acceptance.

Discussions about these rules are critical to good communication and cooperation down the road. The first step to stopping backtalk is to talk with your child during a quiet time and lay down some ground rules. Establish the Rules About Backtalk and Explain Them To Your Child Often, as they launch into their explanation for the third or fourth time, the child and the parent will both get more frustrated until they end up in a shouting match. If their parents don’t give them the answer they want, those kids will then try to re-explain, as if the parent doesn’t understand. So you’ll get kids who present their problem or request repeatedly in the hopes that their parents will give in. No matter what you say, they have to have the last word.Īnd then there’s the child who wants you to understand their point after you’ve already said “no.” It’s easy for kids to get into the mindset of, “If I could just explain it better, you’d understand my situation.” One form comes from the child who can’t keep quiet. Backtalk Can Take Several Formsīacktalk itself can take several forms. It’s not that backtalk is harmless, but it’s certainly not as hurtful and hostile and attacking as verbal abuse.įor parents dealing with verbal abuse, I recommend the following article: Kids Who are Verbally Abusive: The Creation of a Defiant Child. Verbal abuse is a very negative behavior and has to be dealt with aggressively and upfront. But, if a child is cursing you, calling you names, or threatening you, that’s verbal abuse. If your child is saying, “This isn’t fair, you don’t understand, you don’t love me,” that’s backtalk. If your child has started saying hurtful or harmful things, the line between backtalk and verbal abuse has been crossed. I want to distinguish between backtalk and verbal abuse because people often confuse these two very different things. Know the Difference Between Backtalk and Verbal Abuse

But if your child is talking back regularly, it’s not healthy, and you need to start dealing with it effectively. Some parents are intimidated by their child. Other parents let it go because they’re overwhelmed-they already have too much on their plate, and it becomes just one more thing to worry about. Some parents let backtalk drag them into heated fights with their child. At this point, parents need to take action for their own sanity and for the sake of their kids, who need to learn to assert themselves appropriately to become well-functioning adults. But too often, they don’t assert themselves appropriately, and their backtalk becomes disrespectful and obnoxious. Some degree of backtalk is normal for adolescents and teens-it’s how they learn to assert themselves and become independent.

12 year old trash talker